All the questions


What am I doing?
Why am I doing it?
Do I recognize myself anymore?
How can I free space and build strength in my life to be who I think is me?
Are the benefits of this doing this, this way,  worth it?
Is the rest of my life really that long?
Am I even employable?
How come I never committed to being an adult?
Is it too late to try and be one now?
How come no one has discovered me and my obvious genius right out of the blue and given me easy and fun writing jobs with lots of research and no deadlines involved?
How do I make everything happen the way I want it to happen? 
How do I make everyone do the things I want them to do?
How do I make everyone be ok with the things I want them to be ok with?
How do I get out of my head?
How do I convince myself to do all the small healthy things that would make me feel better, at least in a small way, like taking a walk or drinking some water?
How do I get my kid to talk about what is going on at school that he obviously doesn’t want to talk about?
How do I pay more attention to the details?
How did I once manage to keep up with all I have going on, and more, and now I forget the simplest things?
Why have I waited until just 24 hours out to figure out what to wear to the stupid school fundraiser?
 
Especially since it’s the kind of thing (along with my child’s birthday party, etc) that I used to have locked in a month in advance?
Why does my head hurt all the time?
What are the ramifications of having a herniated disc in my neck at only 43?
How committed am I, really, to growing my hair long?
Has the head of school decided she doesn’t like me because I’m being a pain in the ass as of late?
Why are my friends so spread out? 
And why am I not a better friend? 
Are these tarot cards I'm pulling just a thinking woman's Magic 8 Ball?
How is it that I forgot about laundry in the dryer for a whole six days?
Is it me that's hard to agree with, or is it everybody else (it feels like everybody else)?
How is it May already?
Do I really want to take A to karate class right now, or do I just want to go home and sit with him and watch a movie and hope that he'll talk to me about what's bothering him?
That said, am I willing to talk to anybody about what's bothering me?
Is this going to be like this all year?

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