ninety-five

days to go.

i have been crying a lot. i've heard its to be expected, but there it is: i cry every day.

i feel this little one moving in me, most often in the late mornings or later evenings. he doesn't like frozen yogurt (i don't really like it either). sometimes, i actually see him stretch out -- my belly moves in two different directions at once -- but most times its a nudge here, a nudge there, maybe ten or fifteen in a row and then he's comfortable again.

i had a breakdown on thursday night about names. trying to explain to andy how much i need this figured out has been difficult. we have known that he's a boy since november (ironically, the day after we figured out what his name would have been if he were a girl). there are names on the chalkboard in the dining room, there are names in cursive scrawled throughout my work notebook, thanksgiving, christmas, and other assorted family gatherings have been spent tossing names out into the ether. from todd to enzo to bubba, i've heard it all at this point.

thursday was the breaking point. i came home, sat across the dining room table from andy and said, "i've got to know. i am not one of those women, one of those mothers, who can wait until this little is on my chest, red and puffy and exhausted, to look out the window and say, yes, you my little man, you look like a _____. its just not in my constitution. i need to know. i need to have it figured out. i need to talk to him."

it didn't really work as planned (thank you hormones, thank you tears).

then on saturday, we had dinner with some friends, and a friend of one of theirs, a mother of a six year old girl named sofie, leaned across the table to andy and said, "she's right. she's got to know. she and this kid need to start making plans, and she's got to respectfully address him by name to do so." he seemed to respect that point of view.

strangely enough, the two names i'm liking most right now (now that enzo and joseph are out of the running. what have i learned from this experience? compromise.), are two names that he's suggested. little four letter ones, they both end in o.

nicole and i talked briefly about taking back the night and naming him oliver or jake. but...i.just.can't.do.it. first: hemingway reference aside, jake has now usurped michael as the #1 most popular name for boys. plus, i can just imagine arcularius high stepping through town thinking i've named my son after him. i mean, its like the best imagining, ever, but still. and oliver? guh, oliver. among other things he left drowned in his wake was, unfortunately, the possibility that i'd ever name my offspring oliver.

so, the two names. here are my hints: one is the same real name of the boy who dated rory on the gilmore girls. strangely, i had a crush on him, too, cause he reminded me of oliver. he's more famous now, but i don't watch the show that he's on.

the other: a musician. andy doesn't like miles, cause he thinks that people will think we named him after miles davis. oddly, he doesn't think that if we name our child this four letter name ending in o, people will think we named him after _ _ _ o _ _ _ _ _ _ _, even though he is the only person named _ _ _ o i can think of.


i haven't told andy yet, mostly because it just occurred to me about 45 seconds ago, but what do you think of the middle name hemingway?

xo.