hormonal, tired and, wait am i getting a cold?

i promise that soon one of these pregnancy posts will be joyful. but i'm just not there yet. right now finds me on the couch, trying to type around the 40 pound dog that just slumped on my lap and is making his best effort to lick my typing fingers.

ok, he's gone.

so, i'm tired. and super busy at work, missing deadlines, forgetting phone calls, trying to remember to eat lunch. and all the missing and forgetting has me fretting that i'm going to lose my job, and making bad decisions, like walking into my boss's office this morning and asking him point blank if i was going to lose my job (i mean, i figured, what's the worst he can say? yes? which is not so bad considering i was pretty sure he was going to say yes. ps: he didn't say yes. he looked at me and cracked up laughing.), eating too many tortilla chips, staying up too late.

also: staying up too late means staying up til 10pm. given its a quarter after midnight now, and believe me you, it feels like four o'clock in the morning.

i guess i have to get into the swing of things a bit more. i am starting to, bit by bit. i think that next weeks dr. appointment will do me well. and i will take the sonogram photo to my dad, who is making the baby a rocking horse from scratch. and i will find out when i can get a flu shot, which is making me completely nervous, considering that since i was 11 years old i've been certain that in a past life i died of the spanish flu. h1n1 has severely creeped me out since may.

right now i just feel too congested and tired and cranky to be anyone's friend for more than 5 minutes. and sensitive? oh boy. don't even look at me funny, i'll be sitting on your lap begging you to tell me that you didn't mean it for half an hour....

wait wait wait: good news! no more nausea...


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