inspiration
20 minutes into work, reading other people's blogs (hi no), feeling guilty about mine. then realized: oh my god, january thirtieth? that was a LONG time ago. a really long time ago. all apologies. so here, an update:
started my new job. love it love it love it. good.
had a birthday. 33. so far, ok.
found an organic, paraben free skin care line at sephora; inexpensive and it doesn't make me break out. juice beauty. great.
my mom has moved to the o.c. not so good.
she got two dogs. very good.
have not talked to the sorrentinos much since my departure. lots of traded voicemails, but only one conversation, on my birthday, so it kind of doesn't count, but given the history of sorrentino calls on my birthday, it might count double.
am moving to my grandma's. wait, what?
its not bad. in fact, i think its kind of good. and i'm not really MOVING per se, as staying there, for a finite amount of time, not to exceed 3 months or so. upon leaving, i will either go back to the house on hillsdale, the one with the boy and all the dogs, or into the greater unknown, which hopefully will not involve rent that forces me to contemplate selling plasma (again).
things with the boy came to an uncomfortable point, one where we didn't quite know what to do anymore. there were lots of tears, and glares, and stares. we do not want to break up. but we are awfully different. we are the best people the other has found thus far. but we are often unhappy.
we are hoping it might have to do with stress and pressure. things didn't really start the way they should have. it was unorthodox, to say the least. so. we are doing what we originally planned to do two years ago, before the broken arm, and the three months without a job (well documented), and the gastrointestinal nightmare, etc.
so, we will start over, so to speak, as much as that is possible: i will go to grandmas for the aforementioned finite time. i am not packing all of my things, just clothes and necessities. we will date. each other. we never dated. truth be told, i can count on one hand the number of dates i have been on in my whole life. there are rules set up regarding how often we will see each other, etc. (i know rules sound funny, but i like rules). with the goal that, at the end of the finite time, we will find again what we most appreciate in the other. find what we lost in the mundanity (is that a word?) of living together not successfully (too many things going on in our individual lives for us to feel like we were ever a team. my end also well documented here).
should we decide at the end of this finite time to be together, we will then be together with plans. not plans so much, for marriage, but definitely plans for plans.
should we not...i don't know. i don't think it will come to that. i know both of us don't want it to come to that. so i'm not going to load up that basket with even one egg just yet.
to say these years in la have been difficult for me is to grossly understate it. but i'm finally feeling like myself again. my new job (development coordinator) has a lot to do with that. i'm writing again. i'm happy again. i laugh and make lists and talk to farmer's at the farmers market again. i want to go out. i like going out. i wear pretty shoes.
i think the boy...well, i think the boy only knows that me from when he visited me in portland. once i was here...things were different. but that was the me he liked. i hope.
anyway, all comments and suggestions appreciated. its a rough time, but i'm doing my best to look at it as an adventure. and it is, which you know if you've ever been to my grandma's house.
started my new job. love it love it love it. good.
had a birthday. 33. so far, ok.
found an organic, paraben free skin care line at sephora; inexpensive and it doesn't make me break out. juice beauty. great.
my mom has moved to the o.c. not so good.
she got two dogs. very good.
have not talked to the sorrentinos much since my departure. lots of traded voicemails, but only one conversation, on my birthday, so it kind of doesn't count, but given the history of sorrentino calls on my birthday, it might count double.
am moving to my grandma's. wait, what?
its not bad. in fact, i think its kind of good. and i'm not really MOVING per se, as staying there, for a finite amount of time, not to exceed 3 months or so. upon leaving, i will either go back to the house on hillsdale, the one with the boy and all the dogs, or into the greater unknown, which hopefully will not involve rent that forces me to contemplate selling plasma (again).
things with the boy came to an uncomfortable point, one where we didn't quite know what to do anymore. there were lots of tears, and glares, and stares. we do not want to break up. but we are awfully different. we are the best people the other has found thus far. but we are often unhappy.
we are hoping it might have to do with stress and pressure. things didn't really start the way they should have. it was unorthodox, to say the least. so. we are doing what we originally planned to do two years ago, before the broken arm, and the three months without a job (well documented), and the gastrointestinal nightmare, etc.
so, we will start over, so to speak, as much as that is possible: i will go to grandmas for the aforementioned finite time. i am not packing all of my things, just clothes and necessities. we will date. each other. we never dated. truth be told, i can count on one hand the number of dates i have been on in my whole life. there are rules set up regarding how often we will see each other, etc. (i know rules sound funny, but i like rules). with the goal that, at the end of the finite time, we will find again what we most appreciate in the other. find what we lost in the mundanity (is that a word?) of living together not successfully (too many things going on in our individual lives for us to feel like we were ever a team. my end also well documented here).
should we decide at the end of this finite time to be together, we will then be together with plans. not plans so much, for marriage, but definitely plans for plans.
should we not...i don't know. i don't think it will come to that. i know both of us don't want it to come to that. so i'm not going to load up that basket with even one egg just yet.
to say these years in la have been difficult for me is to grossly understate it. but i'm finally feeling like myself again. my new job (development coordinator) has a lot to do with that. i'm writing again. i'm happy again. i laugh and make lists and talk to farmer's at the farmers market again. i want to go out. i like going out. i wear pretty shoes.
i think the boy...well, i think the boy only knows that me from when he visited me in portland. once i was here...things were different. but that was the me he liked. i hope.
anyway, all comments and suggestions appreciated. its a rough time, but i'm doing my best to look at it as an adventure. and it is, which you know if you've ever been to my grandma's house.
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