at the risk of sounding just utterly ridiculous...
so, i did end up quitting my job. it was a decision waiting long, very long, to happen. i don't want to get into details, because i did work with my family and its hard to blatantly trash talk them (at least online. because i did trash talk them, openly, with wild abandon and very little remorse almost every day for close to six months...its just the online bashing to strangers that sets my mind at unease), but...it was hard. there were times when it was fun, but probably more times when it was hard. and a lot of it was how the business we are in is changing and a lot of it was how my relationship with both my dad and my uncle waxes and wanes like the moon, and a lot of it was that hot and fiesty tempers run in my family. but i just went home one day and...quite literally could not go back the next. that fast. like a key in a lock.
and i spent a day or two freaking out, calling people and saying "i quit my job" and when they asked me what my dad or uncle said, coughing nervously and admitting "well, i haven't told them yet".
its just that it was hard. i am discovering, seemingly late in life but still a good 20 younger than my mother was when she realized it, that i am woefully co-dependant. previous to, well, right now, i thought that was an irritating 80's affliction of soccer moms. not so. hipsters have it too. well, post-hipsters, anyway. and frankly, i still don't know how bad of a thing it is. so i want other people to be happy? isn't that a good thing? so when other people are sad, i am sad, too. what's so wrong with compassion? so its much easier to take care of other people than it is to take care of myself. so what? so i live in paralyzing fear of disappointing the people who love me...what of it? (i know i know).
anyway, once the two day freak out was over, or rather, during the two day freak out, i cruised craigslist, sent out six resumes...half an hour after sending one, i got a phone call and then an interview and, four days later, the job. i start on monday.
assistant director of development for a santa monica non-profit. fund raising, event planning, perhaps some grant writing down the road. i'm excited, but in a strange way. i'm feeling reserved lately. quiet. i'm noticing the small things, sun rise, sun set, i'm feeling almanacy.
i'm going to be 33 in, um, 14 days. thirty three. almanacy.
and i spent a day or two freaking out, calling people and saying "i quit my job" and when they asked me what my dad or uncle said, coughing nervously and admitting "well, i haven't told them yet".
its just that it was hard. i am discovering, seemingly late in life but still a good 20 younger than my mother was when she realized it, that i am woefully co-dependant. previous to, well, right now, i thought that was an irritating 80's affliction of soccer moms. not so. hipsters have it too. well, post-hipsters, anyway. and frankly, i still don't know how bad of a thing it is. so i want other people to be happy? isn't that a good thing? so when other people are sad, i am sad, too. what's so wrong with compassion? so its much easier to take care of other people than it is to take care of myself. so what? so i live in paralyzing fear of disappointing the people who love me...what of it? (i know i know).
anyway, once the two day freak out was over, or rather, during the two day freak out, i cruised craigslist, sent out six resumes...half an hour after sending one, i got a phone call and then an interview and, four days later, the job. i start on monday.
assistant director of development for a santa monica non-profit. fund raising, event planning, perhaps some grant writing down the road. i'm excited, but in a strange way. i'm feeling reserved lately. quiet. i'm noticing the small things, sun rise, sun set, i'm feeling almanacy.
i'm going to be 33 in, um, 14 days. thirty three. almanacy.
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