honest to god, and all portland parties aside, the best way to watch America's Next Top Model is with my grandmother. had i not been getting my haircut in the kitchen, i would have been taking notes on what she was saying. the one thing that is coming to mind immediately, and possibly because it was repeated at least sixteen times is, "oh my gods [yes, plural], is she ugly? she thinks she's a model? och! uuugly!"

and this one: "did she say people turn and look at her on the street? of course they do! she's ugly! and she's stupid. which is uglier".

forget the jays. both of them. she's perfect for that show.

and, mind you, she knows of what she speaks. this is her, early 1940s, brazil:



someone get me tyra's phone number.

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